Blehhhhhhhhh i'm bored..
and im not tired...

I want a boy :/
Im tired of being alone.
I wish guys werent such assholes , lol

i want to be more confident in myself
i want to lose weight
i've been trying to eat better, and i've been doing pretty good
except its really hard with my mom..
she is sooooo unhelpful
shes wants to eat out like every single night..
she doesnt care that shes really fat

i miss living at my apartments.. i wish i took advantage of the free gym that we had by the pool more often while i lived there.. i miss having that opportunity.
i also wish my neighboorhood wasnt so bad, i would go walking at night instead of sit here forever....
Blegh..

:[

I D E K.

GRRRR
Its been almost another month since ive wrote again..
i really want to get back into habit of this..

anyways..
the last thing i wrote about was how i was going to hard haunted mansion on halloween and i had on uneasy feeling about it and didnt even really want to go...
Update..
I didnt end up going to Hard Haunted Mansion
For the first time in my raving life (lol) i turned down a rave and sold my ticket (and got 100$ for it might i add which is a 30 dollar profit) and saved it for something more worth while (my credit card bill) even though everybody was going.
I was really proud of myself, and still am. It sounds pretty pathetic to you guys probably.. but that was big for me.
I always say "oh i should save money and just pass on this", or tell myself im not gunna go, but i end up caving in and going and spending the money.
This time i didnt. Even when Amanda decided to go to Monster Massive instead of Hard which is the rave i actually wanted to go to... and on top of that, maryam went as well. which normally in that situation wouldve been like.. okay well fuck it now i have to go.........
But i didnt =] On top of that this rave happened to be on Halloween, a holiday for partying. and what did responsible becky do instead?????????? She went to midoris house and took her beloved nieces trick or treating =] aaaaaaaaaand went to bed around 1 in the morning. Yeah, Go me. I made the right decision for once:]

Anyways thats old news now..

Newer[ish] news..
Manny is in prison... has been for over a month already and will be till right after christmas.
got pulled over for something minor and they found a knife which my sister or mark had left in the car.. and violated his probation..
long story short the cop wrote a bunch of bullshit on the report and made it way worse then it was because of a grudge already on my sister...which is why he was probably really pulled over in the first place, (recognized the car)

but ya me and lisa are thrilled and are hoping she finds someone new in this time, haha. manny is an asshole.
ohhhhhh, and
Midori is enlisting in the army????? Yeah... I know.. Wtf...
Dont even want to get into that, it makes me sick to my stomach..

Thalia is now 4 years old as of Novemeber 3rd..... thats a mind fuck!
Lily is now at the age where she doesnt disgust me. Too bad thalia got fancy with scissors while midori wasnt watching on friday and gave her a mohawk in the front.. -.- lol.. its so bad........hahaha
and isabella is crawling so fast and shes really strong she can pull herself up on things to stand up.


Thanksgiving was good
my family failed on actuall thanksgiving day so i went to tricias, i'm glad.
we did thanksgiving onfriday, it was okay... then iwent and hung out with amanda and erick...
then yesterday i went to a party with midori and her friends paola and diego... it was fun, but weird.
midori is doing a lot of partying and stuff while manny is in jail.. trying to embrace the single life for a while lol.. diego is trying to convince her to leave manny and marry him and all this stuff lmao... its comedy..
my family is so fucked up.

Im really excited for winterfresh on saturday, so many amazing djs and i love the venue, and so many people ive been missing are going..
i think its gunna be amazing. <3

Oh and i registered for next semester
im taking spanish, math, and 2 classes of graphic design.
i might change it though to 1 class of graphic design and 1 of something else..
i just want to try out the waters in more stuff,
ive tested art, psychology, sociology, now its time for graphic design.
i dont know what the fuck i want to do but i think i would really like that and be good at it.
im not in a rush to find out, i know im still young
but i really want to get it over with
im gunna be stuck at saddleback forever at this rate, lol.
oh well at least im doing something, and not being totally unproductive.

i was scared for a long time i was gunna fail american government this semester i thought i was like EPICALLY FAILING turns out i have a B..... idk how the hell i did it but i did.
im doing well in all my other classes to, so thats good. yay me.

its fucking 4 in the morning now and i have a huge speech to do tomorrow, well i guess today.. thats due tuesday. im not excited,
hopefully i dont sleep alllllllllllll fucking day. im gunna set my alarm for noon.

peace out my nigs!
oh and
For old times sake...

i guess i havent really had much too talk about.. 
but ya..

 ive come to a conclusion that maybe i shouldnt drink so much sailor jerry that i dont remember anything and feel like absolute shit and waste a whole sunday sleeping it off..and a whole monday feeling blahhhh.

>.<


fml

anyways..

Hard haunted Mansion is this saturday
gunna see crookers :p along with a bunch more..
its gunna also be my first year in my whole life not trick or treating. :/ whoa.
im not actually really excited about this rave at all.. i dont really want to go, but i have my ticket.
idk i have a bad feeling.. lets hope im wrong!  

monday = disneyland with katie and whoever the hell decides to go! woo! woo!

 

Tricia! i miss your face :p
 

hahah
i love it !!! especially the end......:] It makes me so happy when people from the 'outside' actually get it! and aren't stupid! Fuck yess mr. john weeks! you get a cookie! <333333  Woo hoo!

heres the link if you'd rather read it on the actual website =
http://www.sbsun.com/ci_13446023?source=most_emailed





I'm giving it a rave review
John Weeks, Staff Writer
Posted: 09/29/2009 02:44:13 PM PDT

I managed to infiltrate the midnight world of modern rave culture. I experienced first-hand the extreme sights and sounds of those gatherings that have struck such terror into the hearts of parents and community leaders. I survived. Here is my shocking report.

I haven't had so much fun in years.

I attended the 15th annual Nocturnal Festival, which took place from 4 p.m. Saturday to 4 a.m. Sunday at the National Orange Show Events Center in San Bernardino. More than 60 dance and electronica acts performed on six separate stages. About 50,000 fans took it all in.

That's right, I said 50,000. That's the equivalent of the population of Colton. Imagine a whole city relocating temporarily to the 120-acre National Orange Show grounds.

It was quite a spectacle. Every structure on the premises had been transformed into a separate concert venue, each one with its own whimsical name and theme, such as "Sunken Garden" or "Upside Down Room." Each one, including the 10,000-capacity Orange Show Speedway (renamed "The Labyrinth") was packed to the walls. The grounds outside the venues were packed as well, with a moving sea of people. The outdoor lagoon was illuminated, and trees everywhere were hung with huge lighted orbs of different colors. Fire sculptures and other art installations caught the eye. Stilt walkers, jugglers and other carnival performers roamed through the crowd. Fireworks periodically lit up the sky.

It all added up to the most people having the most fun in downtown San Bernardino that I have seen since, well, the Stater Bros. Route 66 Rendezvous earlier this month.

I'm starting to have hope for downtown San Bernardino after all.

Strict controls were in place. At the entrances, there were separate lines for men and women and everyone was searched. If you wanted to drink, you needed to stop at an ID checkpoint and get fitted with a special wristband. In spite of my grizzled visage, I had to show my ID before I could buy a beer.

Police, some on horseback, were a discreet but effective presence. A reported total of 21 arrests were made during the 12-hour period, most for substance infractions and most of them on the perimeter outside the Orange Show grounds. On the inside, I caught a whiff of pot smoke a couple of times - which is way fewer times than on my last visit to the Hollywood Bowl, for example.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but fewer than two dozen misdemeanor arrests might constitute a light Saturday night in most theoretical cities of 50,000, especially on a Saturday night when the entire theoretical city has turned out for a loud party that lasts all night.

Of course, any arrests at all, any trouble at all, is unfortunate, but trouble happens everywhere. Trouble happens at sporting events, at shopping malls, at community picnics and school socials.

By and large, the crowd was well-behaved and friendly. The kids even made an old guy like me feel at home. Many of them stopped me and asked, "Are you having a good time?" Others asked me to pose for pictures with them. A few even asked me to dance.

Frankly, I've been confused by the reaction to the rave phenomenon. I talk with people all the time, of my own age, who share my fond memories of the good old days when we attended noisy, boisterous concerts at Swing Auditorium, on the Orange Show grounds, featuring bands like the Stones, the Doors, Steppenwolf and the Jimi Hendrix Experience. We all agree those were good times.

But then I watch some of these same people rise up and speak against today's terrible raves, with their terrible crowds and terrible noise and terrible free-spirited behavior. Huh?

For me, Saturday night's Noctural Festival was like a trip back in time, to when San Bernardino was a hip and happening place, when kids from all over Southern California came here to have a good time.

Here's my official position statement on raves:

When's the next one?

FML

i went to the dentist at 9 in the morning to get a cavity filled and it ended up need a root canal so i was like ugh fml but okay.. lets get this over with.. he does the root canal but FUCKS IT UP and makes a hole in my fucking tooth and now i have to go see a specialist cuz he cant fix it himself anymore, so my mom called the specialist to see if there was any openings today and the only one was at 4:45 so she took it.. I have to leave soon.. and i really dont wanna go=[ i hate the dentist. and this is gunna be my second root canal in one day! wtf..=/

on top of that a bunch of ravers are going to disneyland today and jared offered to take me home after if i could get a ride over.. and i really wanna go because my friend casper is going and i love him<3 and most of them dont have passes so today is the only day i can go with them. plus ive been wanting to go to dland forever i have a fucking premium pass no blockouts and i havent gone in like over 2 monthsssssss
fucking FAILLLLLLL


ohhhh and btw
nocturnal was fucking amazing!!!!!!!
:D
epic win!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
lmfao

I havent talked to him since sunday :]
Go me.
i realized i only like him when hes by himself and not around other people.
which makes sense because our friendship has pretty much been comprised of texting and phone conversations.
and seeing him saturday at glowbal unity ughh
he is so annoying! >.<




Nocturnal Saturday!! woo woo!!!!
:]

Haha
Today at the beach was fun. It was random people kind of, but it was nice to kick back and chill for once. :]
I miss big v, and peter. it was cool talking to them and stuff.<3
I just got home and theres already a facebook invite for another one on october 2nd. I'm down to go i think. unless im forgetting about some plans i already have. haha

Megan and jen being there at the end was really weird. I dont know how i liked that. =///////
awkwardd

I failed at taking good pics today :'[

I found a pink sharpie in my room
its pretty and i like it! wee:D

Alright i lied
i'm not free saturday anymore
amandas paying for my ticket for glowbal unity because she loves me:]
Yay!



Hmmm

Drew Carmona hit me up today....... he misses me apparently.............. and wants to hang out on sunday-.-
dont know what to do about that one.. lol.. =/ </3

andddddddd, so did jared.......
 

FML.

i presented a speech today in speech class.. it was 4 mintues long haha
i got a 9/10  ...got marked down for playing wiht my notecard too much and not keeping eyecontact long enough/ looking up too much at the ceiling..
damn adhd hahah

list of Movies i need to see (both in theaters, and rentals)

Cloudy with a chance of meatballs :D:D:D
District 9 
Paper Heart
Spread (never saw it =/)
Big fish (cuz katie said so)
Trainspotting
Spun
The Salton Sea


not excited for english or american government tomorrow =[

andddd i think this weekend will be my first weekend not raving in 9 straight weekends.=[
dont have money, and im not gueslisted (im still working on that though) haha
but no fear! nocturnal is the weekend after that, and then funk phenomena after that which im pretty sure i can get guestlisted too. :]

anyways this is first saturday im free in ages! who wants to chill????????? <3

and thanks katie for reminding me about mirrors=]
that is gunna be fun
i think im gunna go wednesday and friday thats when matts going. you should go too:]



( </3 )


p.s.

if anyone is looking for a new way to be super cool
and buy me "Dear Jack"  Jack's mannequins new limited edition dvd
i'll love you FOREVER. (more then i already do of course..) i just really dont have the money for it...=//

http://www.jacksmannequin.com/dearjackmovie/




OOOOOR even better
take me to the theatrical screening in LA on October 28th :D :D :D: :D i would probably cry<3

I dont know. Today was another uneventful day.
Bleeeeeeeh
Slept in till 3pm =/
I hate when i do that..
Now its almost 4 am and i'm not tired.
and i have class at noon.
Grr. haha.

So last night i ended up going out and seeing a late movie with my mom........... yea it kind of sucked but it saved me from being stuck at home all depressed all night i guess.........


( ♥ )



I really like 3oh!3 haha.
the first like non edm music ive gotten into in a while.
i downloaded the cd. haha. idk why but it makes me happy ^.^ ahahah


I need more music
when my old computer crashed last summer i lost all of it and i never redownloaded any of it till recently
ive been downloading torrents instead of limewire and stuff
its soooooooooo much better<3 haha.
i just type in an artist on vuse and it brings me all this crap and for most people u can download there whole discography in one click!!!!!!
how much easier is that then trying to go throw and downloading song by song ughhhhh i could never go back to limewiring haha.

anyywayss i have 15.69 GB of music on my computer now compared to the 0 GB i had in july. haha.
havent even bothered ripping old cds. so much easier to just download it. haha. anyways
11 GB out of the 15 is EDM and the remaining 4 GB is the full discographys of britney spears, jacks mannequin, something corporate, blink 182, plain white t's, postal service, death cab, spice girls, michael jackson, madonna, hollywood undead, the fray, fall out boy, 3oh!3, and the expendables. (except michael jackson and madonna arent discographys they are only the greatest hits cds cuz i didnt want them to eat up my shuffle, hahah)

my point in telling you this is that am really out of date on non electronic music... i dont listen to the radio, mtv, any of that anymore.. and i havent got anything new in any of the other genres in about a year. exept 3oh!3 and the expendables. and the expendables arent even new, i just never was into them before.. haha..  So yeah. katie, carolyn, tricia, mikayla, whoever else is reading this... if theres any cds arists bands or whatever you think i should download, let me know=] i want some new shit. it doesnt even have to be new. just tell me some shit to download. I cant even remember all the music i used to have. but i know i had like 25 GB of everything you can think of, and most of it wasnt even edm. Thank you.

Super depressed right now.
I dont know why............well.. actually i guess i do..
but ugh..fml=[
I just want to lay down and go to sleep
but im not tired. and i already slept from 6am-1pm today..
im thinking about taking a bubble bath.
idk
i really would like to go out tonight.. but i know thats not happening..
some kind of adventure would be perfect right now.
i want to go to laguna =[
i havent been to the klatch or top of the world in ages.
i miss everyone from drama and highschool so much.
i need to do better at hanging out with those people.=/
ughhh
i need to get out of the house
nostalgia and boredom and fatness are getting the best of me right now.
i need a good laugh!

OMG  tell me that doesnt look intense!

im so excited:] i got my nocturnal ticket today.

woooooot

they added a whole new stage called alice's house:]]]]]]]
with david morales, satoshi tomiie, and more.

along with the amazing lineup they already had..
FERRY FREAKIN CORSTEN<3333333333
probably one of my favorite trance artists ever.
laidback luke, dirty south, green velvet,
PENDULUM, skream,
Paul Oakenfold!    rabbit in the moon:D donald glaudeeeee
kill the noise, evol intent XD
asfrdghkrdf

ANYWAYSSSSSSS enough about that XD

i had a really good weekend
raved both friday and saturday totalling 6 raves this month..holy fuck.. thats a record for me.
then visited jared in san b.. stayed saturday and sunday.. took the train back monday..

i was on the bus in san b with jared and this mexican guy who was around 50 probably told me i was beautiful and i had pretty eyes and to never wear makeup cuz i dont need it and he told jared that he was lucky to have me lmfao it was hilarious and then he talked to jared about drugs and gave him free weed :D which he later gave to me.. still havent smoked it.. dont know if i want to.. haha the guy was kinda weird..it could be bad or laced or something..idk but it smells pretty good.. but ya  before the mexican guy talked to us there was this old tweaker lady on the bus and she was like SO CRAZYYYYY haha she was like yelling at stuff that wasnt there and all that jazz everyone was like O.O hahahaah definitely an interesting first time on san bernadino public transportion!
:D

my cat is horny as fuckkkkk
i really need to get her fixed

the end

I had an AWESOME night at Kosmic Fest last night =]
i just thought everyone should know.
=]]
I cant wait for pictures to be uploaded from plurlife.
 
and.
wow, katie and carolyn.. i hate to do this..
but damnnnnnnnnn
you should have gone, 
better be going to nocturnal.:]

oh p.s.
i also got a 10 fucking minute lightshow.
  among other things ;]
hahaha


tee hee
=x

The Lovely Bones


oooooooh *excited*
:]

the same girl from the city of ember movie? lol random..



ahhhhhh
so last night
at hard dance nation
i met dj caffiene
which is kind of a big deal XD
you knowwwwww
"i wanna know is there anyone on the floor who can suck me like a whore
who can make me scream for more.."
yeah <33
but anyways
he was pretty drunk
and he put his face down to my boobs and was all "YEWW HAFFF BIGG BOOBIEEESSS" hahaha
i was likeee oh my goood ahahah
thats so fucking epic.
yaa and i took a picture with him and we talked for a little bit
will he remember? probably not.. but i dont care hahah it was fucking hilarious.

i also saw wilcox's whole set and talked to him after and
he gave me stickers and a shirt :] and kissed ME on the cheek this time <3 haha
(be jealous carolyn!!) haha:]
ahh i love him.

only sad part of the night was dj caffeine didnt play dj whore ooooor on the floor =/
he played them both last time i saw him though. but still i was like.. boo... he definitely made up for it later though with the whole boob thing.. hahah

wow my mom is such a failure
hahaha
she spilled a brand new gallon of milk aaaaaaaalllllll over the kitchen floor
the whole god damn galloon.
i love when she fails.



:D

Hmm

am i doing something different
or is this week becky has luck with boys week
not sure.. haha

Ahh omg i love andrewwwwwwww<3

new jacks mannequin video!
first is the making of it, second is the finished project.
they both make my heart melt.





Jack's Mannequin "Swim"

Holy crap
last night i fell asleep at like 8:00
=o

i didnt wake up till about noon today either.

8?? what the hell!!!

angry face

but this time not by myself
well at least not all of it

i was planning on going to bed around 1:30 or 2
but it came to be 2 and i was still chatting away on plurlife..
when i got an IM from josh hayward..
josh is moving back to idaho, for his girlfriend, and also because he didn't end up liking his college out here.
i already knew this..
anyways the IM was reminding me he leaves on friday and that he wanted to see me before he left
and i told him yeah of course.. because you know..i  might never see him again.. hes leaving...
but then he says hes gunna be busy today and tomorrow so lets hang out right now
haha
so he came and picked me up at 2:15 and we hung out.
its i got home at 5 sharp...
we went to RSM and visited stuff hes not gunna see for awhile and we went and saw THE TREE at rsm intermediate<3 
because he hung out with me there before who i consider to be "the group" dominated the tree. aka mikayla kennedy sam tricia etc
we were planning on jumping the fence and sitting there for a while at the tree but we decided we were too lazy and that josh is a pussy haha.
so yeah
after that we went and visited his old house and neighborhood and hung around there for a while
and then we visited trabuco.. for no reason haha.. because hes never even been there or went there.. but i mentioned the parking structure and he wanted to see it.. it was pretty trippy for him because he was like imagining his alternate life as if he didnt move to idaho after 8th grade and he ended up going to trabuco.. who would he have hung out with, what would he be like, etc etc..
theeen we decided to go to mission hs and see there farm >.< i dont know why haha.. it was pretty great though
that school is scary as fuck at night..its so dark.. haha.
then we just drove around for a while meaninglessly and he ended up just taking me home..
it was fun though. i'm gunna miss him. and his randomness. we only hung out 4 or 5 times in the 6 months he was back.. and hes one of the people thats worst about making fun of my raving..
but still each time was fun and random and late at night like tonight normally a tad earlier but still late.
makes me miss allnighters with kennedy and sophia and people..

anyways
now im bored
not really tired, but not awake enough to fully take advantage of my netflix.
i think i might just go to sleep. =/ 


i'm excited for mixed nuts tonight :D
im scared im gunna cry though.. haha.
its such a big night, and was so important to me last year.
the LAST time those seniors will perform on that stage..
and.. now that matt, kennedy, and all the seniors in drama are graduating
i feel really super old. and i know that next year i'm only gunna be able to go back and visit for zack and kyle, i dont think i really care for anyone else significantly enough .. oh except katie cambell i guess.
i still dont want to let go of my life in that theater. if they are all gone.. what am i gunna do.
i dont have an excuse to visit tech and otw all the time, and lurk around trabuco.
i wont have connection to the school.
except for bied himself i guess.
im so pathetic.
i guess this year, even though i didnt go to trabuco i still feel young,
and not grown up, because i still know everybody that goes there.
and even though i went to saddleback this year,
i didnt go full time.
i also never got another job
this year has just been like an inbetween year
kind of a break.
i dont feel like i accomplished much.
but at least i guess i wasnt doing absolutely nothing.
i WAS in school.
fuck me.
i want to be peter pan
the end.


good night morning